A Parenting Practice
If you are a parent of a child of any age, you know the drill. There are messages and images and articles and videos and memes--all of which are designed to tell you that you are not a good enough parent.
It's like that Berenstain Bear book "Old Hat, New Hat," wherein the bear enters a hat store searching for a new hat. None of the hats are good enough; they are too shiny, too frilly, too pointy, too silly. So, too, is our parenting.
Be weary, but also trusting.
Be involved, but not helicopter-y.
Be restrained, but involved.
Let them cry, but make sure they don't want to.
Let them choose, but make sure their choice is good.
Let them figure it out, but make sure you guide them properly.
With this advice, nothing is good enough and yet everything is right! Where is the line between healthy involvement in your child's life and living it for them? And, is that as thin as it seems?
This blog is hopefully a place to go to when you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, desperate, and just plain DONE with this parenting gig. If you care about being a good parent enough to find this blog, you are already on a pretty good path. Well done! And, KEEP GOING. Do not give up on yourself. This can work. It WILL get messy. It WILL involve difficult stuff. But, it IS worth it. And, not just for your kids, but for YOU. Because every time you stop to consider what your response will be when your 2yo has a tantrum or your 6 yo is wetting the bed or your 10 yo is getting into fights at school or your 14yo has a boyfriend...that tiny space between the receiving the information and your response to it...THAT. Is. Everything.
That space is the birthplace of being mindful and loving and attentive and cautious and good. That's what it means to be present. To come from a place of love instead of fear.
The moment you allow space between the event and the response is the exact moment that YOU WIN. Because at that moment you did not just go through the motions, reacting from your past or from the fear of your future. At that moment you pressed pause on your world, became still if only for a nano second, and made a choice, dammit! YAY, human!
And, the more often you make that space, the bigger that space becomes, the more mindful your choices are, and the bigger you WIN. Because then it becomes a habit; a practice. And, just like that, you modeled for your child what it looks like to be a strategic parent; a present and participating adult.
So, no need to go searching for the "right" answer to your question, because you have it already. You just have to sit still long enough for it to emerge. After all, in the end, the bear leaves that hat store grateful for his old hat, which he comes to realize is the perfect fit.
It's like that Berenstain Bear book "Old Hat, New Hat," wherein the bear enters a hat store searching for a new hat. None of the hats are good enough; they are too shiny, too frilly, too pointy, too silly. So, too, is our parenting.
Be weary, but also trusting.
Be involved, but not helicopter-y.
Be restrained, but involved.
Let them cry, but make sure they don't want to.
Let them choose, but make sure their choice is good.
Let them figure it out, but make sure you guide them properly.
With this advice, nothing is good enough and yet everything is right! Where is the line between healthy involvement in your child's life and living it for them? And, is that as thin as it seems?
This blog is hopefully a place to go to when you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, desperate, and just plain DONE with this parenting gig. If you care about being a good parent enough to find this blog, you are already on a pretty good path. Well done! And, KEEP GOING. Do not give up on yourself. This can work. It WILL get messy. It WILL involve difficult stuff. But, it IS worth it. And, not just for your kids, but for YOU. Because every time you stop to consider what your response will be when your 2yo has a tantrum or your 6 yo is wetting the bed or your 10 yo is getting into fights at school or your 14yo has a boyfriend...that tiny space between the receiving the information and your response to it...THAT. Is. Everything.
That space is the birthplace of being mindful and loving and attentive and cautious and good. That's what it means to be present. To come from a place of love instead of fear.
The moment you allow space between the event and the response is the exact moment that YOU WIN. Because at that moment you did not just go through the motions, reacting from your past or from the fear of your future. At that moment you pressed pause on your world, became still if only for a nano second, and made a choice, dammit! YAY, human!
And, the more often you make that space, the bigger that space becomes, the more mindful your choices are, and the bigger you WIN. Because then it becomes a habit; a practice. And, just like that, you modeled for your child what it looks like to be a strategic parent; a present and participating adult.
So, no need to go searching for the "right" answer to your question, because you have it already. You just have to sit still long enough for it to emerge. After all, in the end, the bear leaves that hat store grateful for his old hat, which he comes to realize is the perfect fit.
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