We ARE Our Kids
Another epiphany! Today I realized that it is a real mistake to judge our parenting based on the behavior of our kids.
The truth is, if I have real clarity on what my role is as a parent in a given situation, it really does not matter what my kid's response is. I KNOW I am "right" and that's all I need to feel good about my parenting. It's when I doubt myself or have questions about a method that I feel like crap. Similarly, and on the flip side of that same coin, my kids are very obedient if I lose my temper. But, the fact that they shape up is not in itself a sign of good parenting. In fact, I am so sure that it is BAD parenting that their behavior is irrelevant. I FEEL bad. That's the litmus.
Just knowing this shifts my focus from sef-assessing based on my kids' behaior to self-assessing based on how well my own behavior aligns with my parenting goals/valluees. If I am unsure, it shows up in my gut as feeling like a bad parent.
It follows then that if I am going to make myself feel good about my parenting, I have to reach some kind of clarity. The process to reach the clarity has nothing to do with the child. It is all about me getting still and sitting with it, being open to whatever feels right.
The added bonus is that my child does not feel the responsibility of my feeling good about parenting, which I am convinced they pick up on whether we realize it or not.
In sum, I need to stop taking the focus away from me and on my kids by blaming them for me being unsure of how to parent them. The alternative sounds ridiculous. It's as unhelpful as one kid having a crying tantrum because the other kid got the last dinner roll.
WE ARE SO MUCH LIKE OUR OWN KIDS IT'S INSANE!
The truth is, if I have real clarity on what my role is as a parent in a given situation, it really does not matter what my kid's response is. I KNOW I am "right" and that's all I need to feel good about my parenting. It's when I doubt myself or have questions about a method that I feel like crap. Similarly, and on the flip side of that same coin, my kids are very obedient if I lose my temper. But, the fact that they shape up is not in itself a sign of good parenting. In fact, I am so sure that it is BAD parenting that their behavior is irrelevant. I FEEL bad. That's the litmus.
Just knowing this shifts my focus from sef-assessing based on my kids' behaior to self-assessing based on how well my own behavior aligns with my parenting goals/valluees. If I am unsure, it shows up in my gut as feeling like a bad parent.
It follows then that if I am going to make myself feel good about my parenting, I have to reach some kind of clarity. The process to reach the clarity has nothing to do with the child. It is all about me getting still and sitting with it, being open to whatever feels right.
The added bonus is that my child does not feel the responsibility of my feeling good about parenting, which I am convinced they pick up on whether we realize it or not.
In sum, I need to stop taking the focus away from me and on my kids by blaming them for me being unsure of how to parent them. The alternative sounds ridiculous. It's as unhelpful as one kid having a crying tantrum because the other kid got the last dinner roll.
WE ARE SO MUCH LIKE OUR OWN KIDS IT'S INSANE!
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